just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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