Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
