I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
