Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
