so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
