I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
