absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
