Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
