and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
