I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
