Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize