I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
