i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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