did you get engaged???
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
