# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Let's get the cat blown out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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