ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
