What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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