from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
