So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
