i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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