i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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