My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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