My nipple is on Facebook.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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