An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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