I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
