i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
