i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
