Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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