yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize