My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
