Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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