i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
