he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
