And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
