Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
