My room smells like vodka and shame
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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