she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
