I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
