My friends, they love my intelligence
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
