Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
