So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
