How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize