All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
