we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
