i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
