A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize