Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize