onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
