my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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