Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
