just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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