I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
