I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All the doctor said was why
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
