Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Found your dick twin last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I need to sanitize my soul.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
