Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
