It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
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