Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
