oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
