Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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