Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
