he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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