I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
