apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
