a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
