ya dads aren't the best wingmen
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
