We named our party play list daddy issues
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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