roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
