so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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