just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
high people should be assigned attendants
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
