just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
