i always forget guys have bellybuttons
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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