I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
